Sighh

Well, the knot is gone. Well, when I think about it it comes back but its not here all the time now. That's great. Whatever I feel now is probably just me being sick. I take back my robot post. I was just.. frustrated because I wanted to be happy but I couldn't because of how I felt. I don't regret anything I did today. And I'm happy that he's happy. I love him so so so much. I was thinking for myself. And despite how I thought I felt.. I can't deny I had a really good time today.... sigh (: Even with the sickness.

All I had to do was tell him about about it. I just needed some tiny reassurance that I'm safe where I am. Like when people ask me why I'm not afraid of rollercoasters. I say as along as I'm strapped in and safe, I can be thrown around wherever and I don't care. But if you put me on a waterslide, where I don't feel that security.. I panic. And I know I'm safe with him for now. I'm relying on him and i'm okay with it.

There's just one serious problem, everytime he says 'I love you', I don't feel like. Not like I used to. I really really really hope it's just because of how sick I feel, that I can't feel my heart race. And I really really hope it's not because deep inside.. I just don't believe him. I guess the only thing I can do is wait right? I know I love him.. I just have to be sure he loves me.